What to wear to a funeral

What to wear to a funeral: the general standard

In most funerals in the United States and Canada, guests wear dark, understated clothing of the kind you might wear to a formal office or a religious service. Black is the traditional mourning color in Western cultures, but the Emily Post Institute notes that funeral clothing is no longer limited to black or dark gray. Navy, charcoal, dark brown, deep green and muted tones are all respectful. What matters more is that the clothes are clean, neat and pressed, and that nothing about them feels like it belongs at a party.

Think of the outfit as quiet rather than somber. A plain dark dress, a dark suit, dark trousers with a simple top: none of these need to be new or expensive. Avoid anything that asks to be looked at, such as bright colors, shine, big logos, loud patterns or very revealing cuts. If you are unsure whether something is too much, it probably is, and a simpler version will serve you better.

Check the family's wishes and the type of service

Before you choose anything, read the obituary, the funeral home's page and any message from the family. More families now ask for something specific: a celebration of life with bright colors, the person's favorite color, a sports team's jersey or simply come as you are. When the family has asked, their request is the dress code. Arriving in black at a service where the family asked everyone to wear yellow sets you apart from the tribute they planned.

The type of service also shapes the outfit. A funeral in a church or funeral home tends to be the most formal. A graveside service means standing on grass, sometimes on uneven ground, in whatever weather the day brings, so shoes and a coat matter more; our guide to dressing for the rain helps if the forecast looks wet. A memorial held weeks later, or a gathering at a family home afterward, may be a little more relaxed. If you have a role, such as serving as a pallbearer, Emily Post advises a dark suit unless the family requests otherwise; ask the funeral director if you are unsure.

Respect different faiths and cultures

Mourning customs are not universal, and the respectful approach is to learn the expectations of the family's tradition rather than assume your own. In many Hindu communities, for example, mourners wear white and black is considered inappropriate, with modest clothing that covers the arms and knees. White has also long been associated with mourning in Chinese tradition, while in Japan mourners usually wear black. Families within any tradition vary, and a family that is Hindu or Chinese may still hold a service where dark clothing is expected.

Places of worship bring their own expectations. At a Jewish funeral, men are customarily asked to cover their heads with a kippah, and in some congregations women do too; the funeral home or cemetery usually provides them. Some faiths ask guests to remove shoes, cover their hair or cover shoulders and knees in the prayer space. Our guide on what to wear to church covers the range of expectations in Christian congregations. If you do not know, ask a family friend, the funeral home or someone who shares the tradition. People are rarely offended by a respectful question, and it is much easier than guessing.

Children follow a similar standard to the adults in the family, in their own clothes. Emily Post notes that children generally do not wear black, so a neat outfit in a dark or muted color is fine.

What to wear to a funeral: men

A dark suit in black, charcoal or navy with a white or light shirt and a dark, plain tie is the traditional choice and suits almost any service. Choose dark leather shoes with a fresh polish and dark socks. The tie should be quiet: solid black, navy, dark gray or a subtle pattern. If you need a refresher, our guide on how to tie a tie gets you through a simple knot in a few minutes.

If you do not own a suit, you can still dress appropriately. Men's funeral attire without a suit means dark trousers (wool, dark chinos or other smart trousers), a collared shirt in white, light blue or a dark solid, and dark leather shoes. A dark blazer or sweater adds formality and warmth. This is close to office wear, and our guide to business casual for men covers the pieces in more detail. At a service the family has described as casual, the same outfit without the jacket still shows care. Jeans, shorts, athletic shoes and T shirts with graphics are generally too casual unless the family has asked for them.

What to wear to a funeral: women

A simple black dress for a funeral remains a classic for good reason: it is easy, respectful and works across most services. Choose a hem at or below the knee and a modest neckline, and if the dress is sleeveless, bring a cardigan or jacket in case the service is in a place of worship. Equally appropriate are a dark skirt or trousers with a plain blouse or fine knit, or a dark trouser suit. My Jewish Learning notes, for example, that any dark business outfit, including a pantsuit, is proper at a Jewish funeral.

Shoes should be comfortable and steady. Graveside services mean grass and soft ground where narrow heels sink, so flats, low block heels or dark leather boots are practical. Keep jewelry and makeup simple, and choose a bag that holds tissues without drawing attention. If you want more ideas built from pieces you likely own, our guide to business casual for women is a useful starting point, since most funeral outfits sit at a similar level.

Funerals in summer heat and winter cold

Wondering what to wear to a funeral in the summer? Nobody expects you to suffer in heavy black wool at 90°F (32°C). Choose lighter fabrics in dark but not necessarily black shades: navy or charcoal cotton, linen blends, tropical weight wool or a crepe dress with short sleeves. Men can wear a lightweight suit and take the jacket off for a hot graveside service if the men in the family do the same, and a short sleeve dress with a light layer for indoors works well for women. Sunglasses at an outdoor burial are practical and accepted, and our guide to dressing for 90 degree weather covers fabrics that stay cooler in the sun.

A winter funeral outfit adds a coat, and here many people worry about owning only a bright or casual one. Wear what keeps you warm; you can take it off inside, and nobody will judge a parka at a snowy cemetery. A dark wool coat is ideal if you have one. Boots with some grip are wise on icy paths, and gloves and a scarf in quiet colors complete it. Our guide to dressing for 40 degree weather helps with layers that stay neat.